Fact: I am making a kissing list...

         Like most people I have a bucket list. A dream list of things I want to see, accomplish, and achieve before God takes me home. The other day at an art show I caught inspiration after seeing a picture of Oscar Wilde's tomb. It is (was) covered in smooches. I Googled it to see what the whole kiss covered tomb was about, only to find that as of now they have refinished and erected a glass wall perimeter around because the kisses were somehow damaging the stone. BTW-Who knew oily kisses could take down stone? Lipstick is some serious shit! Nowadays, people just kiss the glass but obviously that's not the same.So I'm going to try and climb over it, we will see how that goes or if it lands me in a Parisian jail cell... that would be a fun story for the grand kids soooo, either way, I figure, its a win win. Apparently people kiss it in tribute to him being a pioneer in following his heart, an openly gay man in the 1800's- can you imagine?
           Long story short, I wanna hop the band wagon and kiss it too. I then began thinking of all the other things I'd like to lay a big SWAK on and let me tell you the list is getting pretty hefty and I am excited! Its a new sort of bucket list all in itself and I have dubbed it the KISSing WORLD TOUR. Follow me on twitter if you like @KISSINGWORLDTOU  Basically, I will be posting quotes about kisses and pics of kisses and kiss related things, its silly but fun. Perfect for me because i LOVE silly fun. So far I have only kissed my babies and a friends baby- that might be all I get to kiss for several years until I come up with the cash for some of these kissin trips!  I am going into it with an open mind and a blessed spirit that I might just get the kisses I hope for sooner than expected. So here is the start of my list:
Oscar Wilde's tomb
Jim Morrison's tomb (same cemetery and I heart the Lizard King so it works out perfect)
The Blarney Stone (obviously)
My hubbs atop the Eifel Tower and atop the Empire State building !
Giant Jesus in Brazil
My hubbs on a sports game Kiss cam
A Frog (could be a Prince)
Speaking of how about a Prince too?
OR just PRINCE ! YES PLEASE !
A Dolphin
An Elephant
A Camel
Tony Robbins - I want to meet him sooooo bad- its a big goal of mine - he inspires me to no end.
Many Famous people- just the cheek or hand folks, and only if they would let me of course.
A VETERAN. Now this one is actually pretty cool. I watched an episode of Gene Simmons Family Jewels just days after I thought up this hair brained idea. Low and Behold Gene and Shannon headed to the Veterans Hospital for the Kiss A Vet program !!! I thought, YAY ! Perfect I can do this ! So I tweeted Shannon and she tweeted me back-SO COOL!! There is not a Kiss a Vet program on Phoenix so she said I should do it ! So what I am going to do is take some Kiss cookies to the vets at the hospital and then go from there. I am inspired and happy to think a Kiss from me in any form can bring a smile to someones face- what a gift! KISS ME LUCK !!!

Fact: I will never judge the way another persons toilet paper hangs

  I love reading PostSecret every week to see the new secrets people post. It makes me feel less alone in my weirdness, knowing that so many people feel similar to how I feel in certain areas but just keep it a secret. I myself am obviously more open with my weirdness and others just think I am crazy. I now know, they are just jealous because they are too embarrassed to show their own crazy and well that’s a cryin shame.

Anyways, this week one of the secrets was this : “I feel morally obligated to use the roll with the least amount of toilet paper” then an email response posted below it was this “ I judge people who put the roll on upside down”. (I would post a picture but I think thats illegal. You can check it out before Sunday-after that it disappears and shows new secrtes only in case you have never been to the site.Its fabulous by the way, a huge range of emotion, I love it.)

Its the email that got me. Can you believe he judges people for this? I have often heard the over/under argument but never participated. I always thought “Seriously, this is what people want to waste their breath on? Gimme a break” but after reading this, when I got home and sat down to take the kids to the pool, I realized; My toilet paper was UNDER.

Of course, as my mind does, the thoughts began to roll, if you will. What if this secret were sent in by an acquaintance of mine?  What if I invited them to a party, here they always thought I was fun and charming, then they need to pee and all of a sudden they come out of the bathroom with a whole new perception of who I am?
They certainly wouldn’t say "well we are leaving early because your toilet paper hangs wrong", no, they would just say they had to go and make up some stupid excuse. You know what?  Fine, I dont want to be friends with such judgers anyways! But it makes me so angry that I would never even get a chance to argue the fact that I don’t pay attention to such miniscule details ( I judge people who do, so there). To be perfectly honest,  I am just glad the TP got on the roll ! Hell, normally it would just being placed (carefully balanced)  upon the empty cardboard shell of the last roll. Because, up to now, everyone has been to lazy to change it. But, since it’s a party, we checked the roll and just threw it on. Willy Nilly. Never thinking we would be judged for having an under hanging roll!!! And what is the judgement anyways? Over = Sophisticated / Under = Squalor? What do they really think of under versus over hangers? Now I am going to have to participate in the next over under discussion to see what all the fuss is about even though I LOATHE the thought of it !!

To the morally obligated guy who started it all – I must tell you, I never use the roll that is folded into a triangle here at my work in the mornings after the fresh cleaning from the night before. I feel like it should be for the next gal, as if for some reason I am not good enough for the fancy folded roll. I treat my own self as a peasant! Must be some deep rooted childhood trauma...
From now on I vow to use the folded roll, I deserve to be treated good with fresh TP and not act as if I weren’t worthy damnt !! And I will continue to be flippant about my roll put on, I may even put up a sign in my bathroom letting everyone know that I don’t care, judge away !!

Fact: Its the first day of summer 2011

Which means....Jokes are in order.

I dont know about you but I could use a laugh ! This site never fails to give it to me. Honestly, I could be having the worst day in history and this site will bring me to tears of hilarious, side splitting laughter, everytime. Thank you damnyouautocorrect.com , THANK YOU !

Here are just a few of my favorites.

Enjoy the Solstice and have a great summer all !!

Fact: Its time to prep for Zombies

With the world possibly coming to an end on Saturday, some may need to think about what will happen if they are "left behind". The CDC, in an actual blogpost that is very real, state that we should in fact prepare for a Zombie Apocolypse ! Read it here. For years I have made fun of my friends that are so unaturally afraid of non existent brain eaters. Well guess who aint laughing anymore !?! Thats right, I am ordering my copy of  the Zombie Survival Guide from Amazon today. But I most likely wont get it before Saturday... DOH! At least I have seen Zombieland.
Time to Nut up or Shutup folks!

Truth be told I am not super worried about Zombies.  A friend and I went over it and realized a few things.

• Once a zombie gets to your brains you will likely be long gone. The massive, blunt force trauma to your head needed to open the skull will take it out instantly and you will never know what hit ya!
• Most likely you too will be zombified. What are the odds that you realistically wont catch what everyone else has? I mean come on lets be serious, unless you are John Travolta in that bubble i'd assume your screwed.
• If your already a zombie, you wont be scared of being eaten by Zombies ! You could dress as a Zombie like Bill Murray, but at somepoint your food supply is going to dwindle.
• Its better than an Alien Invasion. Zombies are less scary than Aliens. Aliens with their advanced technology could possibly keep you alive for thousands of years to probe and torture. With Zombies, once they get to the brains its quickly over.
• Why would you want to stick around fighting off everything when most likely your whole family has been already succumbed to Zombie sickness? Who will be around to love you once you are done fighting? Might as well get it over with early.

If the world ends Saturday Id like to Thank God for securing my place in his Kingdom. Id like to Thank Him for all of my glorious family and the 32 years he gave me here to explore life as Colleen. I'd like to express my forgiveness for all the wrongs I have wronged and ask that I be forgiven .That I would be able to be united with my family in Heaven, and that for all my family and friends it would be a quick, easy, non brain eating process. See ya Sunday !!!

Fact: I picture people naked sometimes

Keep it real. You know you do it too!! I think everyone does, its natural for humans to be curious. Okay so maybe you don’t, I don’t know what it is about me. Maybe I think like a man? Maybe I am just trying to justify my random thoughts by thinking everyone has them too? Oh well, It is what it is and I can laugh at myself.

Before you go getting all awkward around me (that is, if you meet me or see me) Its not every person I see. Just randomly at times I will happen to picture a person nude. Yesterday it was the guy at church making announcements. I dont know why. He had a hairy face and arms, very Tom Selleckish. Perhaps it was the boringness of what was going on that made my mind wander. I would have to say it usually happens during a zone out moment. The basic framework of the human body is easy so it’s all details from there. Here is a  look into my thoughts  when it happens....Is this person Hairy everywhere or just in spots? Are they lumpy-butted like me? I wonder if that cellulite cream really works? Are those real, fake, or padded? I really want to get mine done, should I ask her? I need a new bra. Do they have stretch marks? I need a tummy tuck. That guys jeans are so tight. I dont see much, I wonder if he is like that Hangover Asian trunk guy? Man I feel sorry for that dude. But at least he is funny. Ooooh yowza would ya look at him, he has nice arms. Wonder if he is hung like my Husband? or Maybe like John Holmes….oh how I do love nice arms.J

Fact: I find the Disney "vault" to be a dumbass concept

The fact is that my twins are now toddlers. Both of whom really enjoy cartoons.Which means this is a super fun time (because i love em too).  Time for me to bring out classics they are sure to love. So colorful, so imaginative, especially the ones you loved as a child. Right now they are hooked on Nemo. Its a bit crazy how much they love it. Then Monsters Inc. it really is too cute to see them get so scared and then laugh hysterically. So here I am thinking I gotta get more, stat. Heck, I can get a lot done around the house in 55 minutes! For sure they would LLLLLLLOVE The Little Mermaid, The Lion King, The Jungle Book, Snow White, etc. In the middle of making this list, I remember.
DAMN.
You can not just head out to your local store and pick up these movie favorites for your children. Noooo, because they are in the fabled Disney Vault. Alongside a cryogenically frozen Walt, sit our old faves waiting for the next big digitally remastered release. Seriously?!  My stepmother collected each one for years in their HUGE, plastic, vcr packaging. There value was sure to increase while they yellowed from the smoke in the home, taking up tons of shelving, not to mention causing quite the cluttered eye sore even if they were neatly displayed. Eventually these "collectors edition", money making , vhs behemoths, would soon be replaced by DVD. Foiling her whole plan. Now its Blue-Ray's turn and whats next? Perhaps flash drives, then come the micro-chips, then maybe a 10 year brain download? Where does it end?
Each time you open the damn vault, technology has completely bypassed this ridiculous system and you have to begin re-releasing each one in its new form. Its a bit non-sensical if you ask me.
Cant we just tear down the wall so I wont have to wait until my twins are 15 to show them what a dinglehopper is, or sing hakunamata with them ? I realize I can netflix the classics or borrow a VCR and find the smokey copies in a box somewhere, but  I would rather have free range access to run to the store and pick out my favorites when I want them! I have a dream. A dream that every toddler, baby & child get to see the Sleeping Beauty's, the Jungle animals, the Dwarfs, and Mermaids of Disney, on their time. No more having to wait for the netflix queue or a vault to open. No longer waiting 10 years for Pinochio to become a real boy again. C'mon Disney, OPEN UP !!!

Fact: I have a crush or two...

It's true.

I do.

I have a crush.

Not just one, but two.

Its no secret .

Plus, my hubbs has crushes of his own (shocker). He is very well aware of how I drool shamelessly over these two like a sweet honeysuckles nectar. He does the same with Janet Jackson and Kim Kardashian.

At least my crushes resemble him in some way. Cant say either of his look ANYTHING like me. It may not look this way, but I am not completely predjudice. I happen to prefer black men , yes thats no secret. But, I am here to say I also crush on many different genres of men, The obvious: Brad Pitt, Matthew Mcona..hey i dont know how to spell it. The Rock, Edward, Wolverine, Jake Ryan, The Fall Guy, you catch my drift.

         Yesterday like a little boy, the hubbs walks in so excited with a grin i see only maybe twice a year. He had just heard on the radio that Janet was coming to town. I'm willing to try and get tickets so he can see her, because you know what?
I get it.

He got me tickets to see LL about 6 years ago. HELLO best gift ever! His sister and I took the tickets and had a blast, LL was doin it, and doin it, and doin it WELL. HAHA ! We even got to meet him after the show. Got to hug him  2 times!! Got to touch those arms, I die. And got his autograph !!!! He was soooo nice and gentlemanly, just as I suspected he would be. *sigh* It was FABULOUS ! Did I mention I also came home with no bra?

Many women were throwing there bra's on stage during "I need Love"... it is painfully obvious he has got all the love anyone could need by the way. I thought for a moment, Hell-you only live once, go for it girl!  (I tend to think this way a lot) There I went, flinging the pink lace victorias secret right on over my head and onto the stage! In a total Dream Weaver moment all went silent as he bent down, picked it up and threw it over his shoulder with the others! I AM MELTING !!! Sweet Lord of hosts, My rack has never been so proud. We shall see if my hubbs is so lucky with Miss Jackson ...(Doubtful) !LOL!

Happy Hump Day !!!

Fact: I believe in Ghosts

Do you have a ghost story ? Lately I have been watching Celebrity Ghost Stories. Its like a lot of shows of the same nature just a celebrity telling there stories and since I am a self professed "Gossip Rag Hag", of course this show sucked me right in. I actually do not watch Scary movies at all anymore, ever. The last one I watched was Scream. I was at my sisters house in Idaho several years ago. She left me alone to pick up her husband right after the movie, go figure once she was gone - the phone rang, I FREAKED. Total pussy - yes, not ashamed to admit it. A few years later a friend brought over the Blair Witch movie. We got to the tent shaking scene and that was it. I made them take it out and back to the video store, I was convinced this movie would surely invite evil to my house and wanted no part in it. It hadnt even gotten scary yet, LOL.
This stuff gives me the heebee jeebees!!! However, if there is no blood and guts I will watch it, cant look away. I dont know what it is about people wanting to scare themselves. I remember my friends and I totally freaking ourselves out to the point of hiding in the bathroom with the door locked, so totally scared but it was fun. I suppose its an adrenaline thing? Anyways, ever since my sister passed away I have wanted to see her. I have prayed and asked if she could come to me in a dream, sorta like asking God if she could come to play? I'm also a nerd -yes- not ashamed to admit that either.
I have talked just out loud at times and asked if she is around to do something so I would know, still no dice. My stepmother said she had seen her once right after she passed,  this made me so angry. I mean, of all people why would she come to her?! Im still a little pissed at this but am willing to bet the stepmonstermother, was lying.  Who knows. I am still waiting Elise!
 I have had a few odd happenings over time though nothing as dramatic as some of these celebrities. If you want to raise the hair on your arms a bit, check it out. The last thing that happened to me was about 8 years ago. My daughter and I were watching TV on a saturday, no big woop. All of a sudden, our cordless phone flew off the counter! I came across the room, and onto the edge of the couch. It was about 5 feet, and it wasnt just a fall. It literally came off the counter and floated across the room, but very fast. (Here I thought I was having flashbacks from bad partying choices made at a younger age) until my daughter says, "Mom!  Did you do that ?" She was only 6 at the time. To this day she brings it up, we both saw it and have no idea how it happened. Maybe it was gravitational magnetic pull ? Maybe it was my sister ? Maybe Harry Potter in the invisibilty cloak ? Whatever it was,  it creeped us out good ! Now all I can think of is Vincent Price laughing in Thriller.

MWAHHAHAHAHHAA MWAHAHHA MWAHAHHAHA !!

Fact: I had the best lunch today

My pal Bre brought in a fabulous little lunch to work today.

She is very thoughtful and brought enough to share. Turns out, I AM IN LOVE. This was such a great idea !Super fun and delicious.

She explained how as a child her mom would have this at her slumber parties and her friends loved it.

HECK YEAH ! I think my kids will dig this.

 it will certainly be a slumber party staple and get added into the dinner rotation !

Tacos in a bag

You will need :

One bag of Fritos per person (likely more as leftovers Im sure will be wanted!)

Your choice of Taco fixins:

Taco Meat/ Beans

Lettuce,salsa,cheese,sour cream,avacado, tomato,etc.

Cut the side of the bag off

add meat & fixins

stir around

ENJOY !

All mixed up-looks a lil funky but tastes alotta fabulous !!
These taco bags in my book, are "the tits"

Also:

Just for fun

 One of our many supermodel lunch photo sessions on Koren & Bre's  iphones.

I LOVE the Apps these gals find, I hope to one day get a fancy smart phone of my own and catch up with the rest of the 21st century ! Its called Pocketbooth, you can read about it here.

We are pretty wacky when we get together
 Love you girls!!

Happy Hump Day !

Fact: I can not stop the growth process...Please, baby dont grow !!

In the events of the past week I realized I dont want my family to grow up. I want to be selfish and put them in a little snow globe just for me on a shelf in a safe place so I know where they are are and can control what they do. Is that weird? Here are some random things we did this week, I love them so much.

  Went on a coupon hunt with my Lexi, she is so much like me. I LOVE it. Got 100+ Sobes and saved almost $400 at the store thanks to my pal Margie, we will be set for drinks for months-Thanks friend!!

Watched Kysa and her buddy get dolled up -- mascara & lip gloss -- for the Daddy daughter sock hop. Realized I am totally not ready for her to become “cool” yet. Love that Daddy has been there always for their events, I'm sure they will be grateful for that one day too.

Wiped Jamison’s super green and snotty nose on the sleeve of one of Daddy’s shirts out of the laundry pile (hey it was the closest thing near to tissue) forgot to put it in the dirty, not sure I will tell my husband. LOL

Ate sloppy BBQ ribs while watching Super Bowl 45 with my husband. Ribs on sale buy one slab get 2 free. Thank you Mr. Joe Albertson!!! Not to mention my hubbs is a great cook. Not a huge fan of sports, but Football, though I don’t understand much more than touchdowns is not hard to watch. Ifyouknowwhatimsayin....

Watched Eat, Pray Love. Eh it was okay. I now know I can skip India on a world tour though -YIKES. Got a cool quote from it that really resonated with me. I may have to write about that at a later date. “Ruin is a gift, Ruin is the road to transformation” man do I believe that is true.

Watched Michael Jackson “This is it” CRYED like a 5 year old. I love him more today than yesterday. Over the years I have taken a lot of flack from others for professing my love of MJ. I don’t know if he did bad things or not and I don’t really care. He was one BAD Muthashutyomouth!! I may not have let my son stay the night at his house if asked, but I respect his talents all day long. RIP

Listened to Eden yell Mom, MOM, MOOOOOM every few minutes. From wanting a cup to telling on her brother or just to get me to look at her, she knows what she wants and makes sure I know too. Her big blue eyes, round blonde curls and brash little voice are like a movie playback of me as a little girl. From stories my sister has told me all my life, she is my carbon copy.

Walked to store with Eden, James, and Lexi while it was a warm 40 some degrees for milk and popsicles. Embarrassed Lex half of the way with my singing and dancing stroller pushing antics.

Bribed Kysa with smoothies for her and her friend if she would clean the house.

Had an in depth conversation with Lex about Lil Wayne, Nicki Minaj and Drake. I am wondering who bites whose style, she assures me Weezy is the top trendsetter.

Gave Kysa lovins - explained I am not a fan of her being on the phone all the time, why must they grow up??

Layed with the babies and watched Monsters Inc. They LOVED it, James was afraid of the beginning scene and ran away from the TV but stopped to watch from the kitchen-LOL-the “I just cant look away” starts that early.

Had a mini anxiety attack thinking about them growing up and leaving me, had a drink.

Talked my sister Hanna today, she is having the same anxiety.We agreed we will have to get through this together, so thankful I have her !!!

Wacky Facts

Did you know?

• Porcupines float in water (Maybe darwins fish with feet is a blowfish evolving into a porcupine?)
• The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. It was the fashion in Renaissance Florence to shave them off
• Most lipstick contains fish scales  (Gives a whole new meaning to fish lips)
• I like to make fish lips.
• I also like fish sticks.
• A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champange will bounce up and down continually from the bottom of the glass to the top
• Pearls melt in vinegar
• No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, and purple. (and apparently the only thing that rhymes with Swagger is Mick Jagger. Hence the reason for the name drop in so many songs right now...drives me bonkers !)
• The “sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick” is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language. 

Happy Hump-day!

How do you be a "Grown Up" ?

I have realized that I am 31 years young and I do not feel grown up. Actually, I dont feel much different than I did when I was 16. I am a touch more cautious,I don't stay out late often, and I now pay bills. Other than that though not much has changed. I have been observing Adults to see what it means to really be a grown up. It seems these things are key:


#1) Matching Furniture throughout the house. From what I have seen it seems most grown-ups have a flow of boring matching furniture sets . They use all the same woods. Very often it is oak trimmed in Brass, a truly horrid design, along with those old etched glass brass touch lamps-Georgeous right?!


#2) No Posters on your bedroom walls. Apparently this is frowned upon after High School. BUMMER!!! I still love a lot of music and see many a rockin poster at Target that I would love to plaster the room with. It seems this is only okay for Garages and mainly for men, restricted to cars, Or Obscene photos of women. What a bunch of bologna !


#3) Boring Clothes. Khaki anyone? Black and Khaki are about the only acceptable outfitting for an "appropriate"workplace pant choice.Paired up with a hideous patterned cotton blend t-shirt and optional blazer, we have not come to far from the 80's ladies. Somebody put me out of my misery please!


#4)Having a Credit Card/Nestegg/Back up plan for emergencies. YEAH UMMM.... I dont have this. With 5 kids I really should. I think its a fabulous idea and I really wish I had made smarter choices.Unfortunately, I had to take "Free Enterprise" in school because it would teach me about the economy. No class was offered teaching how Credit runs the world, and can make or break your entire life. Who knew? Not me, at 18 with 10 credit cards-WOOHOO!! I thought...But continue to haunt me to this day as charge-offs!! Mind you, I do have a 401K but after this terrible year I depleted to pay for neccesity. Here's to hoping nothing major needs fixing anytime soon...


#5) A House..most grown ups own homes of their very own...again this boils down to a good rating of credit.


#6) 2 Decent Cars.They run good, get oil changes every 3000 miles,tires rotated,tune-ups,car washes and typically one of them fits the entire family. Huh, wonder what thats like. I took mechanics in school and I have always loved cars but still I know slim to none about how they work. Cant remember for the life of me how that oil change went, can't get the tire iron to turn even if I sat on it, and who knew you needed water in your radiator? Nope,not my husband, nor myself. In this department, my house still looks from the driveway like a couple of college kids!


#7)They know Politics and talk about it..A LOT..

I dont know how any of this works.Politics to me are like the inner workings of a clock all those crazy dials and twists and what not. It makes no sense to me and frankly I dont want to talk about it. What I know is this: I need to learn more to make a difference if I want something changed. BUT, I dont want to learn more because I find it to be so boring that I could never get to the place of learned wisdom, therefore I myself can not make a change. Though it seems that politics and the people in them are very underhanded and no matter what, they get things done they want done and the majority of "common folk" have no say in what really happens, vote or not.

#8)Wrinkles... Not so exited about this one-It seems once I have wrinkles the cat will be out of the bag. I will have to act my age!! Im hoping I will be able to get botox before anyone notices.Or I could just be that crazy old lady everyone talks about behind her back, and thats fine too.

Im a Doris, who knew?

Thanks Miss M! for this fun little quiz. I am very much like Doris according to the traits they list off. hmmmm.... makes me think some-I have highlighted those most like me!

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz ...
You Are a Doris!
You are a Doris -- "I must help others."
Dorises are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs.

How to Get Along with Me
* Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
* Share fun times with me. -You better laugh at my jokes or think stuff is as funny as I do or else!!! My husband hates this about me :)
* Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.
* Let me know that I am important and special to you.
* Be gentle if you decide to criticize me. - Oh yeah Im a total sap, I prefer confrontation to be honest,lets get it out and fix it, but be easy or I will cry

In Intimate Relationships
* Reassure me that I am interesting to you.
* Reassure me often that you love me.
* Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen with me.

ALL OF THE ABOVE. I am deeply scarred

What I Like About Being a Doris
* being able to relate easily to people and to make friends
* knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better
* being generous, caring, and warm
* being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings
* being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor - I rock in this department!

What's Hard About Being a Doris
* not being able to say no
* having low self-esteem -Right here BIG TIME
* feeling drained from overdoing for others
* not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish
* criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should
* being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tume in to them
* working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings

Dorises as Children Often
* are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism
* try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding
* are outwardly compliant
* are popular or try to be popular with other children
* act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention
* are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted Dorises), or quiet and shy (the more introverted Dorises)

Dorises as Parents
* are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't)
* are often playful with their children
* wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?" "Have I caused irreparable damage?" -So afraid to become the Mommy Dearest!!! LOL
* can become fiercely protective - oh yeah I seriously wanted to beat a kid up for Lexi last year in school then I remembered JAIL TIME happens for those types of things.... but if I see that kid I promise to scare the daylights out of him!!!

Ive been TAGGED...

This blog has taken me forever! I really tried to think of things unimportant that were awesome to me!

I've Been TAGGED...
I have been TAGGED by Anna from Lyfe as a Smith blog and A Walk in the Garden Blog.

Anna amazes me with her energy and heart for God. She does so much on a daily basis in her life and manages to blog a devotional every single day without fail!! Im tired just thinking about it but I hope one day to have such a busy schedule with my family and such a closeness with my creator.

THE RULES:Mention the person who nominated you.-DONE :)

List 6 Unimportant things that make you happy. - DONE

Tag 6 blogs, state the rules, and notify them with a teeny comment on their blog.- Tried...

Here is my list:

1. RAIN- so infrequent in Arizona it is something I cherish.I love Monsoon season,Love thunder,clouds and long rainy days. I believe that you certainly find out how much you love something once it's presence in your life is scarce or gone all together.

2. Getting my haircut, shampooed and styled- so relaxing. My Mom was a hairdresser and the sounds of a beauty shop are weirdly comforting to me, I feel so completely at home among the hairdryers and gossip, I hate when its over!

3. Going somewhere-I love to go to the airport it makes me feel important, like I have somewhere to be so I am super important. I love road trips,picnics,going to the lake.Just having a plan to go spend time somewhere makes me so happy because I know its a memory in the making!

4. RE - RUNS- I love movies and a few TV shows especially SNL. I can watch the same things over and over and over,it seems like such a waste of time I know. But to hang out in my bed on a Saturday and watch re-runs is just so relaxing I dont have to think about anything I can just laugh and laugh and laugh,FANTASTIC.

5. The sound of Engines Revving and Racing!! OH HOW I love American Muscle,Harley Davidsons,Dragsters, and just a fine automobile.You wouldnt know it by my Camry but like my Dad says-if I was rich instead of so good looking than I could have the Muscle car I crave. I even want to go to Mechanics school-LOL! I love car shows,drag races,going to the Pavillions on a Saturday night with my Dad.He gave me a huge appreciation for cars and its a way we get to bond with him.I hope we can one day spend some time together rebuilding an old classic,we talked about it since I was 12. Mostly I am a huge fan of a Big Block engine and the sound of that engine revving?? FUHGEDDABOUDITT!!!!!! If they made a CD of engine sounds and car racing it would be my lovers rock because **TMI** it makes me soooo hot!! The smell of exhaust from those cars could be a candle in my bedroom because that makes it even hotter :)

6. NAPS ! No explanation needed I hope-I have kids and I need sleep.

Super Power

Have you ever really thought about if you could have a superpower which you would choose?

I think I would choose flying. I was always a big fan of He-mans mother with the giant eagles wings, she was beautiful and so wise.Plus, we all know how handy Flying would be right? Bad day in traffic? Not a problem anymore,Need to get somewhere fast or across the country ? Not to mention for free! And without the full body scans,long lines, $100 a checked bag policies and turbulence. The mind runs wild just thinking of the things you could do if flying was possible. Of course the down side would be friends and family begging for rides & free trips across the globe, cold weather,thunderstorms,etc. There are a lot of choices other than flying, for example: Invisibility,X-Ray Vision,Superstrength,Immortality, Fire balling,Superspeed, insert favorite comic book character here.You get the point.

Lately though I have thought about changing my power choice. Now that I have Twins, I sometimes have to carrie both at once,feed both,change both,etc. My hands are crazy full ! Alone I sat last week, a baby in each hand. A burp cloth across the room in my line of sight-my foot was just inches from using my toes as a hand, then BAM - I get thrown up on!!! My totally cute shirt I just washed,uughh. I knew it would happen.

I could have prevented this if I had GO GO GADGET ARMS !!! Good Old Inspector Gadget. He could do so many things at once,he could hug the kids, type a paper,catch a criminal all while he was making breakfast and feeding the dog-meanwhile never leaving the spot he was in ! Genius Gadget !!! So thats it, my power of choice after having twins is now go Go Gadget arms. Have you thought about what would you choose?This is an important decision, or perhaps just a way to pass the time when in a boring meeting. Either way you should think about it.

"The New Black"

Its come to my attention that these days there is a trendy new saying. They are literally saying it everywhere, I even mentioned it in my last blog. The saying I am speaking of is :

"Insert word here, is "the New black". "

It seems everything is "the new black", has anyone else noticed this ? I personally have always been a huge fan of black new or old- my shoes,purses,jeans,shirts,panties,and well even my husband. So I have decided to find all the things I could that are or could be "the new black". Its become a touch annoying if you ask me. Feel free to comment back and tell me if I may have missed something or your thoughts?

My list so far:

1.The Recession/Economy --- uuughh yeah we are all affected AND IT SUCKS. But come on, using it as an excuse to get out of a party or mowing the lawn? Or how about Serranos spicing up the free bean dip to such an alarming rate to keep you from asking for seconds ! Thats just ridiculous.(Could also be genius)

2.Reality "LOVE" horror train wreck shows on VH1 --- Okay so I finally got over the fact that MTV is no longer and will never again be "Music Television" but VH1 was still doing its part to not let reality kill the video star, until the Flavor of Love shook it to its very core. If I see another -Flavor Brett Micheals New York Tila Tequila bi sexual twins on a bus rockin anything in the next century, it will be too soon.

3.Barack Obama-His dog has a book deal did you know this? A Chia head-seriously? A rap song, The Tonight Show, talking about Jessica Simpson's mom jeans. I like Barack but I think I hear Joe the Plumber flushing his head in the toilet...

4.Coach Purses -- You drive a total beater and you shop at Wal-Mart. But you have Designers dripping off you, the nicest set of finger nails, hair highlighted ever so perfectly, a Myspace page with every weekends pictures of you-drink in hand, at all the trendiest spots and of course the token "coach handbag" Nope, No one thinks your fake.

Oh, and who's watching your children?!!!

5.Twittering,Facebook,MySpace,Blogging --- WTF ? I am on Facebook and I do love to Blog so I am not immune-that is FO SHO !!

6.TEXT Talk--- Yeah like I just did above. OMG I LMAO, IDK my BFF Jill... Uggh I admit Im on the band wagon and half the time I dont know what Im saying, Im just desperately trying to be cool.

7.Celebrities. ---Everything about them... and the bloggers that name themselves after them and become famous-"Perez" I guess if I was smart I could do that too and make a mint off these blogs huh? Maybe call me "Brattney Sparez" let see what happens.

Why name their kids after fruits,cereals,prescriptions,Alice in Wonderland...Give me a break !

Why cry that the Paps follow your every move and tell tons of lies, blah blah blah but never boycott them with all your power ? Fur you have no problem getting naked for but to ask your fans to stop buying the trash that is making you sooo miserable would be crazy wouldnt it ?

8.BRO____ --- Brosef,Brocal, Broness,Dont tase me Bro and yes Bromance. Bromance kicked this little three letter phrase starter over the line. By far, one of the most idiotic words I have ever encountered. What guy would really want to say he was in a "Bromance" with another guy that doesnt share an affinity for rainbows? Enough said.

9.Skinny Jeans --- Gag me with a fork someone-please?! Dye your hair black,part it all to one side, stop eating, start cutting yourelf and start listening to the worst music ever. Please dont forget your 5 year old little sisters jeans, because they make you 16 year old boys look so ORIGINAL, and thats what you were going for right? To express yourself as a leader following your own path , thats what we thought. Wait...

10.Twins --- How is it that so many people have been pregnant with twins in the last few years?Including myself!!!??? Is it in the Water? Are uteruses becoming super strength egg splitting machines? And is the next person who tells me " Oh you have two? At least its not eight!"Going to get punched square in the face-Ummm YES !

11. Rockstars --- Everyone wants to be a rockstar.Again this includes me, but in my defense. Ive always wanted to be a rockstar-I have the pictures to prove it with my first Bass guitar at 12,1st concert Motley Crue, 2nd Metallica. I also happen to Love and appreciate all Rock and Roll,Metal,Punk,Glam Rock,Scaw,Rockabilly,80's hair bands,50's,60's,& 70's classics,and more. But teenagers wearing Pink Floyd ,AC/DC,Metallica,Ramones,Misfits,etc. t-shirts and have no idea who or what they are representing with a pair of Skull and Cross bone Chuck Taylors and uuuughh skinny jeans-well they are just not cool at all! (unless there parents have included them in some rock appreciation sessions as I have for my kids like Jack Black in School of Rock.) Then MAYBE, but seriously- putting a skull and crossbones on everything you own does not make you kickass nor a rockstar.

12.ED Hardy Gear --- Every clubgoing idiot seems to own an Ed Hardy T-Shirt. Some even go for the whole enchilada withthe Ed Hardy glasses and Ed Hardy converse. As my pal Tye has observed that even in Florida they seem to have "Ed Hardy T-Shirt Night" at local bars, Scottsdale, AZ and Tampa,FL arent too far apart it seems. These folks are the coolest, can't you tell? Its usually the same ones , those 40 something that are trying way to hard to re-capture their youth and hopefully a dumb blonde or the 20 something that is also trying just as hard, they all look equally desperate.

13. Going Green---Dont forget to buy that new $800 lightbulb that is going to save the planet for your grandchildren! SIDENOTE: Why are there not solar panels on every building in Phoenix Arizona ? Why is Arizona not "The Sunshine State"? Seriously our one state could literally save millions with solar power and could have been since the invention of it, but just barely they are talking about it-is that weird to anyone other than me? Also we use more water than it seems anywhere else and we have less of it than anyone else- though we have no drought plan or harsh water restricitons like they do in states that are flooding yearly and have so many rivers and lake.WTF ?

14. Being Gay--- I am all for do what you like, none of my business. BUT my kids coming home from Junior High with pals that are gay? That's just something I wasnt prepared for I guess, and I really dont have much to say as I dont think Im qualified to get into this debate . However, I dont think it should be first and foremost on a 7th graders mind,call me crazy .Maybe all the "coolness" of bi-sexuality on MTV-VHI, etc has something to do with it?

15.Organic Food--- This just in: Whole Foods saves the Planet!!! Really? So barley,wheatgrass and an organic carrot salad is the answer to every ailment known to man. While I think eating healthy is a smart idea for the masses I think some have gone to far. Does a whole wheat bun milled on a pesticide free, open range farm in Connecticut on your whopper really make a difference in the end for those arteries of yours? Come on now.

16. Bumped up ratty ponytails /Bobby pin mania---UGGH, soooo over this trend.Do 80 Bobby pins holding up your ratty hair really make a guy want to swoop right in and carry you over the threshhold? Doubtful. Maybe the reason there are so many single little ponytailed hoodrats at the clubs in Scottsdale or maybe Arizona is just filled to the brim with hoodrats? (more likely actually)

Oh thats enough for me. I could go on all year !!! Even Wikipedia has a meaning and a list if you care for more information on things that are the new black. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_new_black

Two Horses

So my last blog was too heavy, I hear ya.It was for me too but life goes on even with a foot in your mouth,a knife in your back, and a hole in your heart. So here is something funny,light and airy to calm the dust.

When I was in 4th grade about we lived in the back woods town of Frasier,Idaho. My step dad had Horses, 6 I think?

I had to water them every morning at 6am,ugghh. But,I got to ride Fleata whenever I liked. She was my step sisters barrel racing horse. She was old and stubborn but easy to ride and saddle up.

My pal Bobbi lived a mile or so away from my house on a big farm. She had a horse. A big,black,beautiful,movie type horse. She rode him bare back and held on to the mane,she would come to my house to pick me up and I would hang on to her for dear life all the way back to her house. I so wanted to be like her, except with a saddle on my horse. One day I saddled Fleata up and we were going riding on our own. Problem,Fleata's son Bear was one of the 6 horses. Little did I know since I never left the house without my family on a ride, she would not leave the property of our home without him.

I tried for what seemed like hours to get her to go, but she was not having it. So I went and got Bear, tied a rope to his bridel and off we went to Bobbi's house.Me and my two horses,took us about an hour to get there. Nothing like usual 20 minute bareback trip on Black Beauty to my house and back. No, this was a trail ride of fun on the prairie with just me and my two horses.Every time I went somewhere this was how I had to go, so I think I only did it once or twice after that. Thinking back, I do miss that dumb old stubborn horse and her son. She certainly taught me a lesson in patience,never leaving your kids behind, and much more than I could ever explain.

Tampax.... How it almost killed me and yet "transformed" my life.

WARNING: This blog contains way TMI,disgustingness (no joke),vulgarity-sever untamed tongue, & sheer ridiculousness.If you feel you can not take,could fire me/sue me for writing (except you cant milk a dead cow suckers!!), or wont look at me the same ever again-please turn away now.

First things first: Im ALIVE ! Glory to God in the highest.

That which didnt kill me made me stronger.

Second:I didnt die, and like Ricky Bobby says "If you aint first,your last" and baby Im last!

This takes a lot of balls.

I got real sick Saturday night,flu symptoms x100 and some other nasty stuff below the belt.

Sunday,Monday,Tuesday-Doctor. She sent me to the hospital immediately. In the ER they discovered Colleen,mother who should live in a shoe and has a terrible memory right now (hope you like how Im am excusing myself in this) has forgotten to remove her tampax whose string was lost and yes I forgot about, I knew something was awry but not that-dreadful! Dr. says I could have died if I waited another few days to come in.

Sorry Tampax you just lost a dumb customer.

Anyways, This caused a sever infection in my uterus. Toxis Shock Syndrome/Pelvic Inflammatory disease and an ECOLI bacterial infection in my blood. Which could lead to..dun dun dun....The bog of eternal stench or Life at the Pearly Gates. I was hooked instantly to an antibiotic sack and a fluid sack with Potassium which stings the veins I might add ,no wonder I hate fucking bananas.(unless they're runts of course.) This lasts 6 days and 5 nights at Beautifully deceptive Mercy Gilbert Hospital to which I shall never return.

Meanwhile back at the ranch.....Twins are with cousin Santana a true earth angel and my husbands amazing family as my baby boy fights RSV and my baby girl begins to get it too. Bre,Lexi,and Kysa - between my husband and his ex Bre's mom, (now thats some shit huh?So Weird how life works sometimes) And my husband, set to meet his 15 year old son Jordan for the first time in his life at the airport who came to spend the week getting to know his Dad whom he has never met and prayed to meet in church only months ago-another Divine appointment from the Lord.

At the hospital I am the sickest and feel worse than a Jellyfish sting. On the outside I'm a mom of four with her body to match and now this.

On the inside (on a good day) Im Pamela fucking Anderson! (oooh yeah HepB,bad choice huh?)

Well than,on the inside I am-Megan Fox,Oprah,Pink,Beyonce,Robin Williams,Will Ferrell, James Hetfield (sp.?),Bob Seger,Q-Tip,The Ghetto Boys, MS13 latin princess though Im Irish and white as night,Emeril,Julia Sugarbaker and Erma Bombeck. (Good gravy I could go on all day with that! That was to the tune of I am everywhere(phone commercial I think) Bottom Line ? Usually Im a lot of fun with a great personality and I love to laugh,this has drained me so.

This hospital sucks BUT they have movies!!!! and I am a re-runner remember? So I watch some fucking Awesome flicks!!!

1. Transformers, which I have tried to watch 3 times but could never get thru due to living in Cosby's world. OH HOW I HEART OPTIMUS PRIME!! I grew up watching this cartoon and I pray for me a Bumble Bee (new style please)

2.Chaos Theory, which Is the reason now I want to buy a stack of index cards and get to work!!!

3.To Kill a Mocking Bird,my fave no words needed as we all know.

Okay now im tired or I'd write a ton more. But the hospital was hard and I felt neglected by the staff and its a long story.I hate to complain,seriously its not my bag-well ,not often.So let me be positive and thank those who did help me tremendously to recover so fast,because oh yeah MGH 4th floor I took notes.

Thank you's to the following:

Arin RN-Amazing-reminds me of my pal Dessi who I love dearly. Arin helped me to feel so much better and stop crying-she told me I should get lots of xanax because "boy it some helper huh?"(what a pill she was!)

Keri RN-so nice,frazzled and I complain on her watch-dangit Colleen! She tells me the next day she is leaving early for her best friends mothers funeral who died after a long battle with Cancer and she was obviously very close to like I am to mine-Carrie's mom Alpha.Pull the knife from my chest please.

Flory RN-the 4 hour fill for Keri,sweet Phillipino lady that is funnier than 10 hyenas and so nice.

Haley RN-Quiet,eerily quiet but so accomadating.

CNA's Sara and Rita? 7-7ers so helpful and hardworking should get paid mo fo sho!!

Florence RN-stressed I guess.Majorly bothered for water.(no one wants to bring me water,its locked up and they bring it in Ziploc bags,weirdest shit I ever saw. So the severly dehydrated patient goes without.)

Emilaina RN-Rough start because I took it all out on her,but she swallowed it and treated me like gold , Im Pony Boy.

John Charge RN-THE WORST-tells me I should ring the nurse button for water and that other patients are sicker than me. That why I should wait 30 minutes after the button is pressed. But they arent more important than me. There is no nurse shortage here. No one is spread thin so I shouldnt feel Im burdening them by ringing for water-direct quotes.Give it up for John everyone!!!

Sharon Charge RN-Like Arin only better.

Veronika-Phlebotomy-Held my hand while I cried thru my 3rd IV and 43 blood draw-rubber chicken anyone?

Finally:

ELISE RN- Elise is also the name of my dear departed sister. Colleen also the name of the nurses mother. We discovered this when I woke to see her name on the board and started crying, then she walked in and I told her why and she told me I had her Mom's name. God is a trip folks! She was the best by far (they must have charted in red that I was ready for a nervous breakdown)Ironically she reminds me of my Sister Hanna an amazing being whom I told I would move home to Idaho after this and now am re-thinking for the 43rd time which she should hate me for because shes been waiting for me to come home since I had to move to Arizona with my Dad at 12.I yearn to live next to her and for our kids to be close since we never had a chance to know our cousins and we are both very resentful about that. But I now know God is teaching me a lesson in control these last 2 years and its just not up to me. Not even a little, not even at all.

Special thanks to: My kids,Santana,Anna,Aunt Susie,Auntie Hanna,Margie,Mom,Dad,Koren,Dessi ,Shawn, My husband,Sharmin for understanding my situation, Facebook and Google blog for giving me a stage.

(Hope I forgot no one. If so consider yourself a tampax-sorry)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN !!

Relish trays are big this time of year. Im doing my part to show my love for the Deviled Egg,I had hoped my pal Bre would dress up as a pimento stuffed green olive but, no dice.
I pictured it to be glorious, all clad in Olive green with a red Beret and a giant wooden toothpick protruding accompanied by cellophane, she would have looked delicious!!!
OH well, Eggs are filling so I can carry this relish tray on my own! Hope you all have a SWEET Halloween !!!!

Back on Track...

Okay so the whole point of the "Laugh Track" blog (below)went awry. My original point was to ask if anyone has ever been watching a show and gotten completly sidetracked by the laugh track?

Let me tell you that the track becomes subliminal. Most of us really dont notice its there at all coaxing us to erupt with laughter upon every lark they find to be funny.The networks could quite honestly throw in some crazy devil worship by injecting tracks of old Ozzy records, or The Beattles White album played backwards! They could even maybe be feeding us milliseconds of porn like in Fight Club or worse, it could be they are throwing in snipits of mind altertering chants to love greasy fried food for their advertisers, thus the reasoning behind America being full of Obese couch potatoes ... Just something to ponder.

But if you actually listen for it and pay attention,I promise it will ruin your entire 30 minutes of sitcom viewing pleasure.I tested this theory during a rerun of Seinfeld, oh how I love the quirks of Seinfeld. (Have you seen the Proctologist license plate one? "Assman"-Hilarious)

As I began to watch I heard the first joke, of course the fake laughter ensued. I went from there to count how many times they would interject more and more laughs.It became Deafening !

I couldnt follow the episode at all, I got so sucked in by the roars of seemingly unnecessary laughter. Why cant I laugh of my own free will ?? WHY !!!!!!!! I was to the point of almost going completely Mad- when, at long last, the show was over - Thank goodness. I mean I could have gone nuts in this little experiment! So, tonight as you watch your favorite sitcom I suggest you "tune in" to the subliminals that are going on,possibly warping your mind. Though if you are in an already shaky mental state due to the economy maybe you could leave this one to the mythbusters for now.I would hate to see anyone use this as their last straw.