Thursday, July 19, 2012

Fact: I am making a kissing list...

         Like most people I have a bucket list. A dream list of things I want to see, accomplish, and achieve before God takes me home. The other day at an art show I caught inspiration after seeing a picture of Oscar Wilde's tomb. It is (was) covered in smooches. I Googled it to see what the whole kiss covered tomb was about, only to find that as of now they have refinished and erected a glass wall perimeter around because the kisses were somehow damaging the stone. BTW-Who knew oily kisses could take down stone? Lipstick is some serious shit! Nowadays, people just kiss the glass but obviously that's not the same.So I'm going to try and climb over it, we will see how that goes or if it lands me in a Parisian jail cell... that would be a fun story for the grand kids soooo, either way, I figure, its a win win. Apparently people kiss it in tribute to him being a pioneer in following his heart, an openly gay man in the 1800's- can you imagine?
           Long story short, I wanna hop the band wagon and kiss it too. I then began thinking of all the other things I'd like to lay a big SWAK on and let me tell you the list is getting pretty hefty and I am excited! Its a new sort of bucket list all in itself and I have dubbed it the KISSing WORLD TOUR. Follow me on twitter if you like @KISSINGWORLDTOU  Basically, I will be posting quotes about kisses and pics of kisses and kiss related things, its silly but fun. Perfect for me because i LOVE silly fun. So far I have only kissed my babies and a friends baby- that might be all I get to kiss for several years until I come up with the cash for some of these kissin trips!  I am going into it with an open mind and a blessed spirit that I might just get the kisses I hope for sooner than expected. So here is the start of my list:
Oscar Wilde's tomb
Jim Morrison's tomb (same cemetery and I heart the Lizard King so it works out perfect)
The Blarney Stone (obviously)
My hubbs atop the Eifel Tower and atop the Empire State building !
Giant Jesus in Brazil
My hubbs on a sports game Kiss cam
A Frog (could be a Prince)
Speaking of how about a Prince too?
A Dolphin
An Elephant
A Camel
Tony Robbins - I want to meet him sooooo bad- its a big goal of mine - he inspires me to no end.
Many Famous people- just the cheek or hand folks, and only if they would let me of course.
A VETERAN. Now this one is actually pretty cool. I watched an episode of Gene Simmons Family Jewels just days after I thought up this hair brained idea. Low and Behold Gene and Shannon headed to the Veterans Hospital for the Kiss A Vet program !!! I thought, YAY ! Perfect I can do this ! So I tweeted Shannon and she tweeted me back-SO COOL!! There is not a Kiss a Vet program on Phoenix so she said I should do it ! So what I am going to do is take some Kiss cookies to the vets at the hospital and then go from there. I am inspired and happy to think a Kiss from me in any form can bring a smile to someones face- what a gift! KISS ME LUCK !!!

Friday, June 29, 2012

Fact : Its been 20 years

 When I think back on all that has happened since June 23rd 1992, 20 years went really fast. In the past 20 years so many epic things have taken place.
To name a few :
The first licensed Gay marriage took place
The first Black President was elected to office.
Our Country was attacked from the inside, the World Trade centers collapsed and the “War on Terror” began.
Most everyone has a Cell phone & You can rent movies from a machine at Circle K
The Internet became the biggest thing since sliced bread
Princess Di, Michael Jackson, &  Whitney Houston died *tears*
Apple revolutionized music with the ipod and most kids now have no idea what a cassette tape is.
David Lee Roth got back with Van Halen, AGAIN!
My sister and I both got married and each had 4 children.

Well the last one doesn’t mean much to the world but it means a lot us because our Oldest sister was hit and killed by a drunk driver on June 23rd 1992. She will never know about any of these things nor meet her nieces and nephews.
                You see, 20 years ago, a lady went out for a few drinks and decided to drive herself home afterwards. She ran a red light, hitting our sisters car and changed our lives forever.  So often I hear conversations where someone is boasting to friends how they can “drive better drunk”, or that getting high has “no effect on them”, or even more that a “FEW” drinks is nothing and that DUI’s are stupid. Anytime I am in earshot, as you can imagine, they get an earful from me. I start off with this…”I knew of  a lady who I think said something like that once, she killed my sister” Usually dampens the mood a bit.
                Obviously people don’t leave the house intending to hurt anyone, only to have a good time. It’s the fact that any mind altering substance does just what it claims to do, alters our minds. In this state, most of us begin the process of making bad decisions. Often those decisions have been made in the past and nothing bad has happened, giving us further confidence in our abilities to make them again and again without consequence.
                Sadly, a lot of people won’t care much about a situation until they have been directly affected by it, we are no exception.  But it’s the people who have been affected that can get the word out. In hopes to open someone’s eyes the next time they are in that situation and keep them from hurting themselves or someone else.
It’s simple really.
               I have one friend in particular that proved this to me. She is a heavy drinking, party machine who never thought twice about getting home from the club. She was over to my house one day and I had a box of old pictures I was going through, I found a bumper sticker I had gotten from MADD when I used to speak for them. It said “ Someone I love was killed by a drunk driver”  I got pretty emotional needless to say. A few years later she called me to tell me about her night of drinking at a basketball game. She explained how her and 4 others piled into her car  at 12am in downtown Phoenix to head out to the bar from the event. When they pulled out on the street, a car in front of them at a red light had my bumper sticker… "Someone I love was killed by a drunk driver". She explained that she immediately went cold, pulled back in the parking garage to the amazement and anger of her friends, and hailed a cab. 

                That night changed her thoughts on always having a DD. Not everyone will listen to stories of another’s tragedy and change their actions, but some will. Think how many people are saved because of that and we have no idea? It’s enough for us to tell as many people as possible about our sister and her young life cut short at age 23 because of a person’s bad decision to Drink and Drive. Please drink responsibly, the life you save may be your own !

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Fact: I am a Mother

And my day is comin up. Turns out I kinda hate Mothers Day so far. Ok, perhaps hate is too strong a word - maybe dislike is better. This sounds pretty Shitty I know. Here are the good things about it :

  • My kids bring me breakfast in bed
  • They make me sweet cards (well the older ones not so much anymore) but they make Daddy get me flowers.
  • They let me sleep in

THAT'S IT. The rest of the day I have to clean as usual, do laundry, bathe, cook, etc. Just like any other day.  I should be grateful for all those things for I am so superiorly blessed to be a Mother of 4 healthy, happy children. TRUE, I just wrote that to prove I am very grateful for all those things. But my thought is that truly EVERY DAY is Mothers Day right now;While the kids are young. I drive them everywhere, cook most all meals, bathe them, read to them, etc. I am Momma 24/7. When they are grown I would love to spend my entire Mothers day with them, just smiling at all they have become and cherishing each moment. But right now? Id like the day off.
Yeah I said it.
I would like my day off to be Mothers day. I would love a full relaxing day at the spa followed by a happy family dinner. A day for Mom to get some time ALONE. To be pampered. To have dinner out , to come home to a CLEAN house and have my husband do the bedtime ritual. Is that to much to ask? He says its my day, I should spend it with the kids...UHHH HELLOOO thats every day !! Is this asking for to much? Am I being selfish? YES. But, this is my blog and I can dream if I want to.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Fact: I am in a word rut

a know how you get in a habit of eating the same meals over and over in a household? Inevitably you will have something like tacos, spaghetti, perhaps meatloaf, chicken, steak, crockpot mush, - REPEAT. It gets so old!! So we end up going out to eat or trying new things only to eventually fall back into the same old boring routine.

What do you do when its your words? I used to say some of the coolest things. Like "Rad" for example. Man I miss that word ! When something was Rad, it was a seriously something great!! Now I would say, well would ya look at that - that's seriously something great. BORING !! What am I 80 years old? What happened to that totally kickass chick that said "rad" and so many other cool phrases ?

I gotta update my vocab and get out of this rut. It all starts with meatloaf Mondays, then its sweatin to the oldies Saturdays. This girl is not ready for it !! Therefore, starting a list of words to use in conversation from now on and never to be forgotten again. I'm bringing RAD back !

List of cool kid words :

TOTALLY ( I still say this thankfully)
SWEET (oh and this)
RIGHT ON (oh yeah this too, so my cool is not all gone but I gotta nip it in the bud before its a problem)

 Okay, well that is a good start anways so Check ya later, YO !!!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Fact: I believe in signs

             Though I don't always know what they are signing to. Perhaps I think its a sign, but its just a coincidence? Have you ever felt that way? Is that "happenstance"? Or "Serendipity", thats it... In any case,  I am wondering if I am in the midst of a sign. In the past few weeks I have gotten 2 new friend requests on Facebook. Just when I think I have got every friend ever befriended, a new one pops up! I love that. Its silly but opening it, and waiting to see who it is reminds me of going to check for eggs when I was little. I was always so anxious and excited to see if the chickens had laid eggs, once I saw them it was SO exciting !!!.
           I opened the first request and it is from my sister Elise's dearest friend growing up, Lavonne (Vonnie). They were like peas and carrots to say the least. If Elise was there, Vonnie was there and vice versa. Most of the time I was there too! My sisters were my idols and my mom made take me everywhere, much to there chagrin. I loved when my sisters had to watch me because we ate terribly, watched soaps, rated R movies and listened to loud rock music. Many of those memories include Vonnie. Seeing her face brought back a flood of memories, then tears. But it was so exciting at the same time. Its hard after someone dies because all the friends in their life seem to go with them. I understand its awkward for people to keep in contact, I mean what do they say ? I get it. But they are missed.
          Today I get another request, this time from Elise's roomate when she passed away, Cheri. They were also very close friends who lived to gether since High school off and on as roommates. Cheri often came with when my sister would take me and my friends to concerts or I would spend days at their house dreaming I was a super cool girl on her own with two roommates. After my sister died she made an effort to take me places as Elsie would have, she even took me to see Metallica/Guns and Roses knowing that my sister would have totally done the same. The two of them had just taken my best friend and I to see Metallica less than a year before. After that Im not sure what happened, I imagine its just how time does. Creeping in and stealing away day afer day until you realize it has been years.
          So thats it. Is it some sort of sign? Is it just coincidence ? Is it my sister showing she is always near ? Is it a desperate need to want to know something significant from the beyond, to want to hold onto hope that they are lying in wait for you in Heaven? But then it couldnt be as in Heaven, because there would be no communicating with the living from what Im told. Then again, no one really knows for sure but God himself.ell that what I think anyway. I certainly dont know enough to speak on it, I only know that I hold on to that hope. Either way,sign or not. I am glad to see them both, happy, healthy, and not forgotten.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Fact: Toothpaste can kill you

How hard would the coroner laugh when he found out you had died of an Aquafresh overdose ? At first he may think you had died of Rabies, but then of course, after realizing the minty freshness of your breath, would know - it wasn;t in fact a rabid, foaming disease, brought on by your affinity for squirrel meat, but rather, it was your toothpaste as the culprit. Your pearly white Colgate smile, forever interupted by the very Colgate you lovingly used twice a day or more. Isnt that something? In child proofing my house I never thought the list would look like this :

  • Medicines
  • Cleaning products
  • Toothpaste !?!
 I read the back of the tube of my Childrens Aim this morning and sure enough, it says  "if more than a pea size amount is ingested get medical help and contact Poison control immediately". WOW.
                    So now you know, you and me both. To be honest, I had no idea about this when my girls were little, thankfully they survived my teen mom learning curves. Turns out, Sodium Flouride is one of the main ingredients in Rat Poison and Toothpaste. Hitler first used fluoridated drinking water  in concentration camps as a mass medicating way to sterilize and calm the people. Crazy!?! Guess its time to clean house and get on down to my nearest hippie-mart for some fluoride free baking soda tooth delight !

Friday, October 21, 2011

Fact: Halloween Haunted Houses aren't Scary

           I specify "Halloween" because I know better than to bag on real Haunted Houses, guess who will never be a ghost hunter? never play a WEEGEE board? never say Bloody Mary in the mirror? This chick right here. (Yeah I spelled it wrong, I give it no glory) Moving on.
Lets be real here, how do people honestly get sooooo scared at these fake haunted houses? Its got to be a hoax, they must be faking to get a boys attention. I never could understand it. Went to my first one at the age of 16 with two couples, and my pal. The hh was an old closed down department store, not much scary about that. They had the old chainsaw massacre thing happening, the creepy guy in the shadows, the out of bush jumper, the coffin popper,  the usual. One of the couples with us was a really hot guy I crushed on, and his stupid girlfriend…uughh. She happened to be the only girl on the boys wrestling team at our High School and it was such a big deal. (la de friggin da)  I guess I can see where he was into her and not me. Clearly he must have been questioning his sexuality - it’s the only possible explanation. Anyways, little miss “man wrestling champion girl” nearly cried the entire way through this place, halfway through she jumped on MY back, mine, of all people?! I pushed her off of course; I was far too cool for that. She ran to her sissy boy and jumped on his back, continuing to scream and cry until she got out of there. I, on the other hand, am happy to admit, got kicked out early for smacking a touchy feely zombie in the face! Yeah, I may not be a wrestler but that’s how I roll. Perhaps I’m the one with the problem? I just don’t let it get to me; therefore it’s not all that “fun” of an experience. Call me what you will, Party-Pooper, Killjoy, Buzzkill. It takes something super creepy to get me, like a white van with no windows, a man in a VW bug asking directions, a phone call asking if I like Scary movies, etc.

Here are some facts as to why HH's dont scare me:
*To date no one has ever been killed at a haunted house in Phoenix, AZ.
*The Chainsaw has no chain morons! Sure it would still hurt but come on now, it wouldn’t take a limb off.
*They do background checks before hiring that creepy clown.
*A lot of the weird Drama kids from my school always applied for work at these places, those dorks couldn’t hurt a nerd.
*Most of the time –barring my zombie experience- they aren’t allowed to touch the guests.

If you just picture each of these creepily dressed freaks choking down some potato salad and taking a dump before their shift started, well then it takes a lot of the fear factor out of it.

So there you have it, a pretty convincing way to make Haunted Houses completely unscary. NOW, that being said, there are some ways to scare. Last year we went to one for a friend’s son’s birthday. This one had 3 separate experiences, two of which fall in the above category. The third caught me off guard. You entered in a black tube, it was the equivalent of being in one of the giant jumpers but the walls were pushed together. It was pitch black, super HOT, and just eery. You didn’t know when the end was coming, could not see in front or back of yourself, and could only hear the air powering the thing. If you suffered from Claustrophobia or had some sort of mental issue,  this place would break you,  it would be a definite problem. I actually at one point thought I may not get out, I may have gone the wrong way, began to believe I was possibly headed for eternal doom, anxiety attack began... and then it was over. PHEW & SCORE!!! Finally a scary experience, Touché haunted tube of Horrors, Touché!

Monday, October 17, 2011

Fact: I can not give birth to any more children

I am weirdly sad about this fact. I have 4 of the best kids anyone can ask for and I do not want or need anymore. They are my EVERYTHING.  Healthy, cute, sweet, funny, & smart. Words can not explain my love for them. I have been tremendously blessed. I simply can not imagine what those with infertility problems have to endure just to create one precious life.
My tubes were tied at my request when I delivered the Twins. Not just because while pregnant with the twins my stomach was comparable in size to an award winning pumpkin...(see me at 8 months in the picture above).  But also because raising 4 children takes some serious skill,  devotion,  meditation technique,  and most of all - major $dough$.  In these times of economic recovery recesssuckion,  much creative manuevering is needed to make it work to say the least. I wouldnt trade it for anything though! 

Whats got me down is the fact that I am 33 years old and done. I wonder, does anyone else get this feeling? A feeling of finality, or,  umm whats the word....I can't think of it,  basically, it brings mortality into light.  The fact that there are stages in life all leading up to the big FINALE. The reality setting in that I am not as young as I think I am. These wrinkles on my face are proving me wrong to the public and frankly,  its pissing me off,  I still feel 18 on the inside dangit !!
Obviously, the Finale could come at any time and leave no further stages to get to, I get that. I am very thankful for where I am, definetly hoping for many more stages in my life. It is a mourning of sorts. No more worrying about birth control, no more anymore doting on me, (one of the best parts of pregnancy),  no more maybe's or butterflys waiting to find out,  no more excuses for being a raving mad bitch,  no more pickles with ice cream,  no more hemorrhoids..well a girl can hope. You get the idea. So on to the next chapter I go, MILF here I come. LOL! Well certainly NOT Grandma, not like my childhood best friend who is one day older than me and set to be a Grandma in 6 months. OH HECK NO. One long chapter at a time please.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Fact: I miss scary Halloween costumes

Whatever happened to dressing up as the Bride of Frankenstein,  The Wicked Witch of the West,  or good old pig blood covered "Carrie" ?
Back in the day I remember Elvira and Dolly Pardon being the raciest of costumes out there, maybe I just wasnt paying attention because I was a kid stuffing my gullet with kit kats and reeses?  Increasingly though, it seems that the only option for a woman on Halloween is the sluttiest possible option of your favorite character or just the perfect opportunity to be an all out whore. Even sweet Kansas Dorothy and Little Red Riding Hood have been made out as a couple of harlets, how in the eff did that happen?!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Fact: Tennis Elbow hurts like a mother

                    I dont play tennis. Except once, in 1994 I believe. I was visiting my sister and her husband in Moscow, Idaho for the summer. He and I hung out during the day time and watched a lot of Wimbeldon that year. It seemed pretty stinking easy after watching it for so long. So we headed out,he had played and was going to teach me. Though after watching enough on TV it seemed I would need no teacher! Off  we went, racks in hand and a sleeve of balls. BALLS TO THE WALL for tennis !!! Turns out,  it aint as easy as Serena makes it look. In fact,  it is seriously hard ! My brother in law was pretty bummed to have such a sorry opponent, an opponent that can admit she could not hit even one, ONE, serve. Apparently something is to be said for training and practice, and not just seeing how its done on TV. That also goes for dancing I will have you know. American Bandstand made that $hit looks sooo easy and again, my body has a different plan for me.
         Here we are now in 2011 and I have tennis elbow. WTF? I dont know, apparently you can also get it from typing to much, who knew? Its a serious fire in the elbow and upper forearm region, at night when I want to sleep its like the fire of a thousand suns and it sucks hard. Anyways thats it, me, tennis elbow, no tennis. I got SERVED.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Fact: I am afraid I wont be able to do it

But, I am going to give it the old college try. College that is. And, this will be a second try. Not that I have ever gone before, but I did apply once a few years back. Unfortunately,  due to tax issues barring financial aid, and my own lack of  "capital" I was unable to enroll. So here I am again, closer than ever before. I have an AWARD on the horizon, the class is showing enrolled and the student ID is in the mail. The reality of the extra work is hitting me and I am now scared to death.
Couple reasons:
a. I wasnt that hot in high school. Let me rephrase-(I was totally HOT ,which was the issue) due to my vanity, partying ways, and boy vision, my grades lacked in a big way.
b. I tend to lose focus on things that dont capture my interest, for example I LOVE history! Could listen to someone lecture on it all day. But math? Not so much, I just cant latch on. The math teet just does not beckon me, therefor, I fail to thrive.
c. This is a problem because I would like to get an Accounting Degree.... Somebody call Alanis - is that considered Irony?
1. I have 4 kids and I work full time. My kids are already completly messy and totally exhaust me, how can I possibly add 2 classes and homework to this mix ?
2. I am not single but my husband works long hours and hardly ever helps around the house anymore leaving me absolutley frustrated and more exhausted.
3.I am lazy. I have said it before. I like to lay around the house, watch movies and vedge in my spare time. Sometimes I can be productive but for the most part I like to just be laaaaazy in my downtime.

So there you have it. I am afraid I wont be able to do it all. What if I have a nervous breakdown ? What if I have to repay the goverment for my grant? What if I am not smart enough ? What if my kids feel neglected?What if all the girls laugh, point, and throw pads at me in the shower? Oh wait, I am going online....but you get my point. I am in need of some prayer. If anyone who reads this has a line to God will you please ask him for some help for me?
I am telling myself it will be fine. I have it in me and must push through in order to obtain a better life for my family. I THINK I CAN. I have to, these 4 kids are going to need college pretty soon and Mama is gonna need a better paycheck. Pray me luck!!!

Friday, September 2, 2011

Fact: PMS ... Pretty Much Sucks

And I got it. ALLLL of it.......

1. Psychotic Mood Shift

2. Puffy Mid-Section

3. People Make me Sick

4. Pimples May Surface

5. Pass My Sweatpants

6. Perpetual Munching Spree

7. Pass My Shotgun

8. Pissy Mood Syndrome

9. Potential Murder Suspect

10. Pack My Sh*t

Seriously, it is the worst. Luckily i am not the only one, I have many friends dealing with the same issue so I dont feel so alone. I feel like as I get older it is actually getting worse. I looked up treatments and one was SSRI's, otherwise known as antidepressants...umm what if you already take those? Imagine the snatch I would be without them?  Also, Its not just "PRE" . For the most part its about 3 weeks out of every month. I get one week of sheer happiness and kindness, the rest of the time its like a junkyard dog, ready to brawl at any moment. Maybe its my bodies way of saying you give me a week and I will give you a week? But the other 3 are for PREtty much being a bitch to everyone. The week before The Lady in Red shows up being the worst of them all. I CRY, Cry cry like a Johhny Cash song. I have heard Menopause is even worse!! Looks like once I hang up the pads I may end up in a padded room , Fanfuckingtastic.
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