Lets be real here, how do people honestly get sooooo scared at these fake haunted houses? Its got to be a hoax, they must be faking to get a boys attention. I never could understand it. Went to my first one at the age of 16 with two couples, and my pal. The hh was an old closed down department store, not much scary about that. They had the old chainsaw massacre thing happening, the creepy guy in the shadows, the out of bush jumper, the coffin popper, the usual. One of the couples with us was a really hot guy I crushed on, and his stupid girlfriend…uughh. She happened to be the only girl on the boys wrestling team at our High School and it was such a big deal. (la de friggin da) I guess I can see where he was into her and not me. Clearly he must have been questioning his sexuality - it’s the only possible explanation. Anyways, little miss “man wrestling champion girl” nearly cried the entire way through this place, halfway through she jumped on MY back, mine, of all people?! I pushed her off of course; I was far too cool for that. She ran to her sissy boy and jumped on his back, continuing to scream and cry until she got out of there. I, on the other hand, am happy to admit, got kicked out early for smacking a touchy feely zombie in the face! Yeah, I may not be a wrestler but that’s how I roll. Perhaps I’m the one with the problem? I just don’t let it get to me; therefore it’s not all that “fun” of an experience. Call me what you will, Party-Pooper, Killjoy, Buzzkill. It takes something super creepy to get me, like a white van with no windows, a man in a VW bug asking directions, a phone call asking if I like Scary movies, etc.
Here are some facts as to why HH's dont scare me:
*To date no one has ever been killed at a haunted house in Phoenix, AZ.
*The Chainsaw has no chain morons! Sure it would still hurt but come on now, it wouldn’t take a limb off.
*They do background checks before hiring that creepy clown.
*A lot of the weird Drama kids from my school always applied for work at these places, those dorks couldn’t hurt a nerd.
*Most of the time –barring my zombie experience- they aren’t allowed to touch the guests.
If you just picture each of these creepily dressed freaks choking down some potato salad and taking a dump before their shift started, well then it takes a lot of the fear factor out of it.
So there you have it, a pretty convincing way to make Haunted Houses completely unscary. NOW, that being said, there are some ways to scare. Last year we went to one for a friend’s son’s birthday. This one had 3 separate experiences, two of which fall in the above category. The third caught me off guard. You entered in a black tube, it was the equivalent of being in one of the giant jumpers but the walls were pushed together. It was pitch black, super HOT, and just eery. You didn’t know when the end was coming, could not see in front or back of yourself, and could only hear the air powering the thing. If you suffered from Claustrophobia or had some sort of mental issue, this place would break you, it would be a definite problem. I actually at one point thought I may not get out, I may have gone the wrong way, began to believe I was possibly headed for eternal doom, anxiety attack began... and then it was over. PHEW & SCORE!!! Finally a scary experience, Touché haunted tube of Horrors, Touché!
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