Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Fact: I am afraid I wont be able to do it

But, I am going to give it the old college try. College that is. And, this will be a second try. Not that I have ever gone before, but I did apply once a few years back. Unfortunately,  due to tax issues barring financial aid, and my own lack of  "capital" I was unable to enroll. So here I am again, closer than ever before. I have an AWARD on the horizon, the class is showing enrolled and the student ID is in the mail. The reality of the extra work is hitting me and I am now scared to death.
Couple reasons:
a. I wasnt that hot in high school. Let me rephrase-(I was totally HOT ,which was the issue) due to my vanity, partying ways, and boy vision, my grades lacked in a big way.
b. I tend to lose focus on things that dont capture my interest, for example I LOVE history! Could listen to someone lecture on it all day. But math? Not so much, I just cant latch on. The math teet just does not beckon me, therefor, I fail to thrive.
c. This is a problem because I would like to get an Accounting Degree.... Somebody call Alanis - is that considered Irony?
ALSO......
1. I have 4 kids and I work full time. My kids are already completly messy and totally exhaust me, how can I possibly add 2 classes and homework to this mix ?
2. I am not single but my husband works long hours and hardly ever helps around the house anymore leaving me absolutley frustrated and more exhausted.
3.I am lazy. I have said it before. I like to lay around the house, watch movies and vedge in my spare time. Sometimes I can be productive but for the most part I like to just be laaaaazy in my downtime.

So there you have it. I am afraid I wont be able to do it all. What if I have a nervous breakdown ? What if I have to repay the goverment for my grant? What if I am not smart enough ? What if my kids feel neglected?What if all the girls laugh, point, and throw pads at me in the shower? Oh wait, I am going online....but you get my point. I am in need of some prayer. If anyone who reads this has a line to God will you please ask him for some help for me?
I am telling myself it will be fine. I have it in me and must push through in order to obtain a better life for my family. I THINK I CAN. I have to, these 4 kids are going to need college pretty soon and Mama is gonna need a better paycheck. Pray me luck!!!

2 comments:

Torikay said...

You CAN do it.... just take it one class, one paper, one exam at a time. Just put one foot in front of the other and before you know it, you'll be at the finish line! Good for you, by the way!

Colleen said...

Aww thanks Tori! I hope you are right <3

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...