Fact: I am late for Mothers Day..always

Some things I want my mom to know.
Dear Mom,
I lova lova lova you. That is the favorite thing you ever said to me as a child, I miss hearing it. I do love you more than you know.
Dear Mom,
I am sorry my Mothers Day cards are always late or sometimes never even arrive. This year and last I couldnt afford a card. I should have went earlier to buy one but waited too long and after the holiday they were all gone :-( I will have to make a home made one to make up for it. Past years I was being angry, I have spent to much energy holding grudges.

Dear Mom,
I want to be like you.
In the begining I wanted to be a hair stylist to gossip with ladies, and cut, perm, or color peoples hair to make them feel beautiful like you did everyday. I wanted to be a good dancer like you. I wanted to wear lipstick on my cheeks.
Then I got older.... and you got sick again as you were before I knew about it. I am so glad AA gave you those years of sobriety. I know now that Alcoholism is a disease. I am sad you have it. I hope I never get it. It made me lose you...for a while. I didnt want to be like you at all after that. You said things that hurt me very bad and you probably dont remember, I remember everytime I drink. I tell myself  "dont enjoy this too much"
I still get scared I will break and it will get me too.
I ,  having four kids can not imagine the pain in losing one, especially my first born. I can understand when you get too sad to cope and I wish I could make it better. If beer is what helps than I guess thats okay with me after all these years, but please, dont drive.
I still want to be like you.
I am happy I was raised in Idaho. Even if for a short time, it is my home. I know much more than the city kids I am friends with now because of all I learned there. I wish my kids could learn it all too. And I hope to bring them there more often to learn to appreciate the beauty of the outdoors.
I want to cook like you, I want to grow a garden and can things, I want to be resourceful not wasteful, I want to appreciate nature's beauty and get my hands dirty in the soil.
You gave me a sense of humor and like you I pick at my toemails when I watch TV. You taught me good manners and that I should Love Jesus. I like to be crafty because of you. I like to listen to the Judds and Randy Travis and read the Lords prayer when I miss you.
Thank you Mom.
I love, lova, lova you.