Fact: I am Vitamin D..flated

              Its funny how each everything works together to make things run smoothly, even in our bodies. Up to now I have been a healthy chick with a few big flaws here and there but nothing life threatening thankfully. Biggest pains in my life: My back and my "head". I had surgery on my back some 6 years ago. Only in my twenties at the time, the doctor attributed my ruptured and bulging discs to my fat a$$-SERIOUSLY. He said my butt was far too big and I should lose weight. Thanks for putting it nicely Doc. But hey, he was a straight shooter and I can’t fault him for that since I dig honesty. AND, he was right. I have been overweight since my daughter Kysa was about 2 years old.
                 Sometime after her first birthday is where the “head” problems kicked in. I wish someone would have told me it was normal, possibly postpartum and nothing to be so scared of, but it nearly wrecked me.
I was scared to death! I had always had some degree of anxiety when driving far from home or around people I don’t know but this was debilitating to say the least. I was driving myself to work as usual one morning and the scariest thought krept into my head, “what if I swerve and crash into the railing right now” it wasn’t just a thought but almost a reaction. I can’t really describe it,  it threw me for a complete loop. Instantly I went into a fit of panic stricken, crying, crazed anxiety. I remembered back instantly to the time my Father was driving my 2 sisters and I to New Mexico to see family. If I remember correctly, it was the day Bo and Hope were getting married on Days of our Lives and my sisters were really sad they couldn’t see it.
I was only about 8. Somewhere near the AZ border my Dad pulled over at a gas station, got out of the van and called his wife, he then proceeded to break down in the exact crying fit I was in right then. We drove back to Phoenix and boarded a plane to New Mexico the next day instead.

Was this happening because of that? Was I predestined? I missed a $hit ton of work the next few weeks as I went to a series of doctors who shoved xanax at me but no real reason as to why this happened or to tell me it was okay and I was normal. No, that took years of exploring to find out, At the time I felt like I was going crazy-straight crazy, like a cartoon where springs and bolts would fly out of my head, I thought I would just lose it. I was to scared to leave my house and to scared to be alone. Even scared I would hurt my baby, which was the worst; my babies are my life how could I feel this way? I feared myself. I had to have someone sit with me while my husband went to work. It was so awful. To this day I take medicine so I will NEVER EVER have to feel that way again. (In fact, I often fear the medicine will quit working and the attacks will come back) I am, as noted, an over thinker, a serious worrier and now a panic attacker. Now that I know what my deal is though, I have taken it on, I can control it rather than the other way around and I can share my story with others who feel the same way. I see the stigma in some people eyes towards mental health and I think it is sad. If we embraced it and reached out to say its okay your not alone, more people would probably get the help they need and be able to function rather than turning to drugs and alcohol, but that talk is for another time. THE POINT was... my meds made me better in turn making me FAT. I was told tby the Dr. why: SSR's affect the brain and tone down emotional responses. Not all the way but it does numb you to a point and I can tell it’s true, not crying at sad movies or life events, not being crazy murderously angry when you find out horrible news like your husband having an affair, eh hem...also for another time. It also then numbs the center telling you not to eat this or that because since everythings okay, eat up fatty. LOL It’s not that bad but you see where I’m going.

In this anxiety/depressive world of mine I find winter drags me down seriously low. I am tired, tired, tired. I have always blamed work, kids, & life, for making me so tired. Lets face it with 4 kids (even with 2 before the twins) life is hectic working & momming full time. I can not exercise or find any “me time”. When I do get “me time” I wish to sleep thank you very much. This winter I decided to do something about it and see my doctor. She sent in some labs after hearing my story and I got the results Saturday. I have a
Vitamin D deficiency.
              WHAT!?! I live in the land of SUN how can this be? My level is 14 it should be 80 !!! She puts me on treatment and tells me to get my butt outside! This is what has made me so tired probably all these years and no one ever bothered checking. This can lead to anxiety, depression, weight gain, chronic fatigue, lower back pain and a laundry list of more things !! I am flabbergasted at the find, also very hopeful. This obviously is not a cure all but a big huge step in the right direction. In the summer I am outside a lot with my kids and what not, I always feel great and tend to lose a little weight, along with just being more active this is why! DUH ! How could I not have known? Well, I am very glad I now know and I will be sure to keep taking a multi vitamin, definitely fighting my urge to sleep and instead getting outside with my kids. Thanks Dr. Paar !!