FACT: Affairs SUCK

I was a funnier/happier/carefree/better woman before my husband had an affair.

It was hard for me to write that for the world to see just now.

I am simply writing this as if no one is actually reading. This blog has been dormant for a LONG time now, so it seems more like a journal entry I think. Blogging helped me through that time... and now over 2 years later I am trying to get back to ME. Trying to find the road back to the Funny, Sweet, Silly, Unsuspecting, Crazy fun Girl that I once was, ME.
One of my favorite sayings is : "build a bridge and get over it"
That is what I am trying to do as I have chosen to mend this union and not end it - for many many reasons, so far so good.
That doesnt mean it has been easy. Not for me, our kids, nobody.  Forgiving it turns out is much easier than forgetting. I find myself wanting him to pay for what he has done.So, every chance I get to turn the knife, I do. Just to make sure he remembers that I havent forgotten. Its tough, but I am trying. As with all things, time is healing the wounds and counseling is helping A LOT. Still, I currently "suspect" every women I meet as a possible target for my husband. This is what infidelity did to me. I do not trust people anymore. I hate that.
            I like friends. I DOUBT most would want my husband except for a triflin few. But then are they Triflin? Isn't it his lying tail that stepped out on me and I am afraid will do it again? Are there women that don't care about a wife -of course- but is it all his doing in my reality? YEP that is a fact. I am gonna try to own that fact and keep moving one small step at a time.
Another fact : Not a lot of "HELP"out there for women going through an affair. I looked high and low I tell ya. A lot of good books there are, but just not what I was looking for. I wanted an INSTANT help, like a xanax. Something to soothe the initial pain and FAST. I didn't find it. (Well there is always Alcohol and or Drugs, but not my cup of tea being that I am trying for mother of the year at all times and that at the time I was pregnant with Twins) Every book or article I read said, it takes time to get thru your emotions, blah blah blah...I am not a fan of being patient, or dealing with EMOTIONS. Quick fixes, to be honest, are more my speed. Maybe that's a generational issue? If my Dad told it it certainly would be.

                  I hope one day I can help someone going thru the same sort of situation.

Maybe I will talk about all this more in the future. Maybe not. I am up in the air here. All I know is its time to blog again. About life the things I love, the things I hate, and the things that I feel like blogging about.

Simply because it makes me feel happy. 

Happy me is a very good thing.

I never took a writing class nor know much about how to write, grammar, puncuation, etc is sorta bad (obviously). I want to write for some reason, I crave it, something in me just feels like I need to release!! Maybe one day I will go back to school (I hope) Maybe I will learn to write for real?

I dream of writing skits for SNL someday. Making the world laugh about idoitic things.

Everybody needs a dream huh?

That's mine...