Fact: My sister was hit and killed by a drunk driver

Today marks 19 years since my big sister, Elise, passed away. I last saw her on Fathers Day 1993. Every Fathers Day I think about it, the countdown to the anniversary. The pain lessens with time but never goes away. I am thankful my Dad had the opportunity to have his last memory with her be a happy one. We had a fun day, barbecuing swimming, and joking; when she was leaving she famously refused my Dad a kiss and hug, he had to pick her up and force her to kiss him.
She always did this, her laugh was infectious with a touch of evil and it made everyone else crack right up, I miss her so very much. I just wish my mom and sister could have seen her one last time as well. Its one reason I really, really hate being in another state so far from them.

Monday is my 33 birthday. Losing your family member is one thing, to lose them just days before your 14th birthday, DEVASTATING. I had been taken to Arizona to live with my Dad from Idaho at 12 years old. I was becoming too much for my mother to handle, rebelling against her because she was in a depressive alcoholic funk from her 3rd divorce. My older sister Hanna had enough of it as well and she had moved in with her boyfriend’s family to finish out high school. Our oldest sister had also been sent to live in Arizona when she was 15 for the same reason as me.

When I got here she immediately took the role of protector/provider (of alcohol) – hey, what’s a big sister for? She was 10 years older than I and she understood the rebellion thing. My other sister was more of a mother to me, she had always taken care of me and protected me from the evils of rebelling, she threatened even on more than one occasion to beat certain friends to a pulp should they get me into trouble. Boy did I ever hate her for it back then!! Now of course, I am so thankful she was there and more thankful that she continues to have my back forever.

Elise was older but she was still young; she wanted to be the “cool” role model I suppose. She watched over me for my Dad, bought me clothes, took me and my friends to concerts, taught me how to wear makeup, bought us alcohol cigarettes and let me stay overnight with my 17 year old boyfriend.

She took me to that boyfriend’s funeral after he died in a tragic accident with 3 other young men after a night of drinking, then sadly deciding to drive. We spoke in the car about what we would wear and want in our casket. She loved 44oz thirst busters of Diet coke and smutty Star magazines. She had said she wanted both buried with her to keep from boredom and thirst. A good laugh to break up the sadness of the day, little did we know her day would come a short 6 months later.

I remember the call in the middle of the night. The phone ringing in my ear what seemed like 700 times at 4am until I finally picked it up to my sisters frantic roommate asking for my Dad. The rest was a blur, and then holding her hand as she lay dying. She didn’t look like herself, her massive head of gorgeous hair was wrapped in gauze, I will never forget how she looked, the smell of the room, or the way her soft hand felt in mine. I will never forget how Hanna felt so sad she was not there. How my mother looked and felt, so devastated. My Dad, just ruined. The list goes on.

We weren’t going to road trip to Idaho like Thelma and Louise. We weren’t going to have a big 14th birthday party. We weren’t going to ever laugh again. We weren’t going to sing our hearts out to Motley Crue ever again. We weren’t going to be 3 sisters anymore. We weren’t going to have the same family ever again. Life was not going to be okay.

All because someone made a bad decision, to drink and drive, thinking they were fine and they would make it home like all the other times. Instead, this time they killed our beloved on the way. I can’t imagine what the lady lives with day to day, I have forgiven though I am still very angry and sad. I know we all make bad decisions and can not do anything but take responsibility for the consequences of our actions.

Today I will celebrate my sister’s life. I will get a Star magazine and a thirstbuster, some McDonalds’ fries, blast Shout at the Devil and sing my heart out.

I will let my Hanna know how much I love her. I will say I love you to my entire family. Life is short, enjoy every moment, say I love you as much as possible!