WARNING: This blog contains way TMI,disgustingness (no joke),vulgarity-sever untamed tongue, & sheer ridiculousness.If you feel you can not take,could fire me/sue me for writing (except you cant milk a dead cow suckers!!), or wont look at me the same ever again-please turn away now.
First things first: Im ALIVE ! Glory to God in the highest.
That which didnt kill me made me stronger.
Second:I didnt die, and like Ricky Bobby says "If you aint first,your last" and baby Im last!
This takes a lot of balls.
I got real sick Saturday night,flu symptoms x100 and some other nasty stuff below the belt.
Sunday,Monday,Tuesday-Doctor. She sent me to the hospital immediately. In the ER they discovered Colleen,mother who should live in a shoe and has a terrible memory right now (hope you like how Im am excusing myself in this) has forgotten to remove her tampax whose string was lost and yes I forgot about, I knew something was awry but not that-dreadful! Dr. says I could have died if I waited another few days to come in.
Sorry Tampax you just lost a dumb customer.
Anyways, This caused a sever infection in my uterus. Toxis Shock Syndrome/Pelvic Inflammatory disease and an ECOLI bacterial infection in my blood. Which could lead to..dun dun dun....The bog of eternal stench or Life at the Pearly Gates. I was hooked instantly to an antibiotic sack and a fluid sack with Potassium which stings the veins I might add ,no wonder I hate fucking bananas.(unless they're runts of course.) This lasts 6 days and 5 nights at Beautifully deceptive Mercy Gilbert Hospital to which I shall never return.
Meanwhile back at the ranch.....Twins are with cousin Santana a true earth angel and my husbands amazing family as my baby boy fights RSV and my baby girl begins to get it too. Bre,Lexi,and Kysa - between my husband and his ex Bre's mom, (now thats some shit huh?So Weird how life works sometimes) And my husband, set to meet his 15 year old son Jordan for the first time in his life at the airport who came to spend the week getting to know his Dad whom he has never met and prayed to meet in church only months ago-another Divine appointment from the Lord.
At the hospital I am the sickest and feel worse than a Jellyfish sting. On the outside I'm a mom of four with her body to match and now this.
On the inside (on a good day) Im Pamela fucking Anderson! (oooh yeah HepB,bad choice huh?)
Well than,on the inside I am-Megan Fox,Oprah,Pink,Beyonce,Robin Williams,Will Ferrell, James Hetfield (sp.?),Bob Seger,Q-Tip,The Ghetto Boys, MS13 latin princess though Im Irish and white as night,Emeril,Julia Sugarbaker and Erma Bombeck. (Good gravy I could go on all day with that! That was to the tune of I am everywhere(phone commercial I think) Bottom Line ? Usually Im a lot of fun with a great personality and I love to laugh,this has drained me so.
This hospital sucks BUT they have movies!!!! and I am a re-runner remember? So I watch some fucking Awesome flicks!!!
1. Transformers, which I have tried to watch 3 times but could never get thru due to living in Cosby's world. OH HOW I HEART OPTIMUS PRIME!! I grew up watching this cartoon and I pray for me a Bumble Bee (new style please)
2.Chaos Theory, which Is the reason now I want to buy a stack of index cards and get to work!!!
3.To Kill a Mocking Bird,my fave no words needed as we all know.
Okay now im tired or I'd write a ton more. But the hospital was hard and I felt neglected by the staff and its a long story.I hate to complain,seriously its not my bag-well ,not often.So let me be positive and thank those who did help me tremendously to recover so fast,because oh yeah MGH 4th floor I took notes.
Thank you's to the following:
Arin RN-Amazing-reminds me of my pal Dessi who I love dearly. Arin helped me to feel so much better and stop crying-she told me I should get lots of xanax because "boy it some helper huh?"(what a pill she was!)
Keri RN-so nice,frazzled and I complain on her watch-dangit Colleen! She tells me the next day she is leaving early for her best friends mothers funeral who died after a long battle with Cancer and she was obviously very close to like I am to mine-Carrie's mom Alpha.Pull the knife from my chest please.
Flory RN-the 4 hour fill for Keri,sweet Phillipino lady that is funnier than 10 hyenas and so nice.
Haley RN-Quiet,eerily quiet but so accomadating.
CNA's Sara and Rita? 7-7ers so helpful and hardworking should get paid mo fo sho!!
Florence RN-stressed I guess.Majorly bothered for water.(no one wants to bring me water,its locked up and they bring it in Ziploc bags,weirdest shit I ever saw. So the severly dehydrated patient goes without.)
Emilaina RN-Rough start because I took it all out on her,but she swallowed it and treated me like gold , Im Pony Boy.
John Charge RN-THE WORST-tells me I should ring the nurse button for water and that other patients are sicker than me. That why I should wait 30 minutes after the button is pressed. But they arent more important than me. There is no nurse shortage here. No one is spread thin so I shouldnt feel Im burdening them by ringing for water-direct quotes.Give it up for John everyone!!!
Sharon Charge RN-Like Arin only better.
Veronika-Phlebotomy-Held my hand while I cried thru my 3rd IV and 43 blood draw-rubber chicken anyone?
Finally:
ELISE RN- Elise is also the name of my dear departed sister. Colleen also the name of the nurses mother. We discovered this when I woke to see her name on the board and started crying, then she walked in and I told her why and she told me I had her Mom's name. God is a trip folks! She was the best by far (they must have charted in red that I was ready for a nervous breakdown)Ironically she reminds me of my Sister Hanna an amazing being whom I told I would move home to Idaho after this and now am re-thinking for the 43rd time which she should hate me for because shes been waiting for me to come home since I had to move to Arizona with my Dad at 12.I yearn to live next to her and for our kids to be close since we never had a chance to know our cousins and we are both very resentful about that. But I now know God is teaching me a lesson in control these last 2 years and its just not up to me. Not even a little, not even at all.
Special thanks to: My kids,Santana,Anna,Aunt Susie,Auntie Hanna,Margie,Mom,Dad,Koren,Dessi ,Shawn, My husband,Sharmin for understanding my situation, Facebook and Google blog for giving me a stage.
(Hope I forgot no one. If so consider yourself a tampax-sorry)
2 comments:
Colleen, you have definitely been in mine and my families prayers! I am so glad that you are on your way back to being healthy again. Love that you haven't lost your sense of humor, now wouldn't that be tragic! Thanks for sharing your story as well, opens my eyes to the evil of tampons - seriously. Oh and by the way one of my favorite movies is To Kill A Mockingbird!! Love it! Can't wait to see you again, you and your family will continue to be in our prayers. We hope those precious babies get better soon as well. Love ya!
Ben called me today after reading your blog... he said, "I almost puked, but you have to hear what happened to Colleen." He told me he so desperately wanted to say something funny about it all! So are you switching to OB?
Oh, and I'm glad you're ok!
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