Is that Sex Panther cologne your wearing?

Walking into work this morning an older gentelman is about 30 paces in front of me-we will call him Jack.

It seems Jack is in for a big day from what I gather, as he has brightened his Aura with 50 feet of some pretty hefty cologne. I've found most men lay the cologne on pretty heavy for a few reasons: Job interview,big date,possibility of seducing a woman with his mesmerizing scent into the bedroom, and seldomly to mask the smell of a massive colonic explosion in which they think the smell may have leached onto their clothing.
I have observed that older men really take their sprays to another level, I dont know if its a weakening of the senses or an inner lie that tells them cologne makes them seem more youthful?
Jack bought into that lie this morning and he was confident in his stride. The smell was pungent and what I imagine Sex Panther Cologne must smell like with real bits of panther.
Perhaps he mixed 2 scents thus creating a chemistry nightmare in which the aromas were fighting each other to create one truly awful nasal letdown? Maybe it was just an old bottle, like my dads 20 year old bottle of English Leather which he believes to be, still, the best smelling thing since fresh prime rib... as if there is a fermenting process happening in his bathroom ageing his English Leather like cheese or fine wine when really it now smells like Limburger.

There are many colognes that fall into this category English Leather topping my list,but not to go unmentioned : Old Spice,Polo in the green bottle,Jovan musk,Brut,Stetson, I could go on all day and I think you catch my drift. I tried to stay as far from Jack as possible and walked very slowly. But of course,I ended up in the elevator with him and had the blissful opportunity of playing "Can the 7 month pregnant lady hold her breath for 3 floors without passing out game" Though, had I taken a breath I may have passed out anyways, it was a battle of fragrance roulette literally I had no choice in playing.

Maybe Im being too harsh on Jack ? I do have spidey senses it seems now that I am pregnant causing me to want to maul people for the smallest things.But in my own defense - I think Im on to something here and I think everyone reading this will be able to identify with me in one way or another. And, if I have saved one person from purchasing the Walgreens English Leather box set as a gift for an older gentelman in their life this Christmas, than I feel I have accomplished something great for society. All in all, I hope Jack has great "Big Day" (and I hope everyone that has to be in an office with him has a set of nose plugs or smelling salts handy....)